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DON'T QUIT BEFORE THE MIRACLE HAPPENS

remember the first day I walked into the upper room and I saw the sign hanging on the wall: DON'T QUIT BEFORE THE MIRACLE HAPPENS. I had no idea what the miracle would be, what it was, or what has been, but I held on long enough to find out. Early sobriety was a real bitch! I was uncomfortable, I was unhappy, I was miserable, and being sober was unbearable. I had no idea if this thing was going to work for me or not. But I made a decision. I decided that I was willing to go to any length, and that I was going to give this thing my all, and if it didn't work then I could go back out. They explained to me that my only option with sobriety, jails, institutions, or death. Deep down inside I knew that this was true. I had already been to jail, I've already been institutionalized, and I had already come close to death several times over. But I hadn't tried was sobriety. so the decision itself was easy. i had to "hold o...n" to embrace the journey. at first it was a simple as not drinking/drugging and showing up to meetings. I've been found myself in the side or still felt miserable and I wasn't drinking or using. this wasn't going to work. I drink for the affects the alcohol provided me. Which was to not feel. Now I hadn't been drinking and I was feeling. Then it was suggested that I get to work... they're 12 things that I had to do... as I was in the process of doing these 12 things, I got involved with service and helping others. I found a higher power. I started to see how the 12 steps were affecting my life. I found out that I liked the effects the 12 steps were giving me. I've started to learn how to feel, what they mean, and how to handle them WITHOUT drinking or using. There were lots of times I wanted to throw my hands up in the air and just say fuck it. But I held on to that feeling that I felt the day before I got here. I knew I never wanted to feel that way again. And up to today I haven't felt that way again. I felt different ways, I felt poorly, sad, angry, happy, grateful, joyous, and free. I've learned that all feelings good and bad will pass. I've learned how to accept and deal with life on life's terms. I've learned to be an optimist instead of a pessimist. I realized that today I'm that much closer to living the life that my HP would have me live. i didn't quit before the miracle happened. I've realized that it’s not just one miracle that happens. They are miracles that happen, and they tell me more will be revealed. so hold on friends! This is your journey... embrace it :-) have a great week. - I'm out.

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